Saturday, June 25, 2016

Has Potential to do Better

"Has Potential to Do Better"

This is one line that I have always found on my every report card since third grade. I have detested this line all my life. I do not know what it means anymore because this is like a slap in the face. How do you know my potential if I can never reach it? What is the meaning of potential? Or maybe I am just bluffing with you? Maybe there is no potential; it is all me trying to pass as a superior version of myself which I may never become.

That is in fact my greatest fear.When I die, and if I am forced to meet what I could have been and it is what I fear it might be then I will definitely die again. Never reaching my potential. I try to stay motivated and upbeat about life and thing that should matter like careers and people. However, every once in a while I question the very relevance of this all. WHAT IS THE POINT? What are we going to accomplish? My success or failure is inconsequential to the world. Nature doesn't care how my rags I have locked in a concrete cage. And even say a century from now no one will probably remember who I was. It will be like my entire existence was a myth...... a bluff. And what is success anyhow? Money? Power? Happiness? I have neither. I don't really want more than a certain level of money. I don't care for fancy cars or jewellery or any such crap. I really don't. Power is just the power over me that I want. I want independence. Happiness.... ah well.

Open any wellness magazine, book or any website, the first thing they tell you is stay away from negative people. Be positive. Negative people will destroy your life. They will suck the happiness out of you and leave you just a shell. But what about people who pretend to be positive and smiling but really are very negative inside. I am one of those. I try to smile always. But I am so negative that I have lost all hope that I ever will reach my potential...... whatever that is.

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