Friday, July 7, 2017

The Chaos that is My Life

I feel like right now I'm in a vortex. Everything is happening all at once and I-+-'m gasping for a peaceful breath. I have to move out of my parent's house for the first time because of a job. College is ending and a lot of submissions are remaining there as well. I have no real friends to speak of and no one to share my feelings with so I'm writing this.

I have worked hard at the project I am going to submit, but it just doesn't feel good enough to me. People who did absolutely nothing in theirs are confident that their project is worth publishing in International journals.

I leave behind the place I've called home for the last 17 years. I'll miss my trees and my room. My table, the center of my world for the last 15 years will also be left behind.

The job I have got, if you believe the news, will no longer be valid after 5 to 10 years. I have no mentors either. In my family, most are self-employed and I have no idea how the employed life works. I still don't fully understand my compensation package. I am scared to death that I will say something terrible or my skills won't enough for this job. I live in the fear of failure. I need a mentor/guide to tell me what to do and how to work, but there is no one.

I know life is not fair always, but I am wallowing quietly in self pity. I will be okay soon. Thanks for reading and if you have any advice for me, do leave me a comment.

Rant off

Sunday, April 2, 2017

When Breath Becomes Air: A Review

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Author: Paul Kalanithi

Rating: 10/10




 This book has been on every bestseller list for about a year now and is highly praised. Naturally, I thought it would be another all-hype-no-substance read. I avoided it. Last Sunday, I chanced upon an article written by Dr. Kalanithi in the Stanford Medical review. His writing was poetic, elegant and encompassing. I decided to read the book and I'm happy to say I wasn't disappointed in the least.

Heartbreaking, eloquent, humbling and thought-provoking. This is the story of a man brimming with potential but running out of time. His search to understand life and it's meaning lead him to language, literature, and history, but it was in science that he found his calling. This is an account of his journey as it comes to its untimely end.

I could not put this book down despite being unwell. Verghese, who wrote the foreword, is absolutely correct when he says that this is prose poetry. The words are poetic, they reach your heart. I'm saddened by the loss of his family as he was someone you want to know and learn from.


Some of my favorite quotes:


“You can’t ever reach perfection, but you can believe in an asymptote toward which you are ceaselessly striving.”

A Message from Paul to his daughter:

“That message is simple: When you come to one of the many moments in life when you must give an account of yourself, provide a ledger of what you have been, and done, and meant to the world, do not, I pray, discount that you filled a dying man’s days with a sated joy, a joy unknown to me in all my prior years, a joy that does not hunger for more and more, but rests, satisfied. In this time, right now, that is an enormous thing.”

Hence, this is a moving and humbling story of a man who has infinite potential and ability, but very limited time. I highly recommend this one. 

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Princess, I'd rather be CEO

Okay, so a lot of times people refer to the female gender by Princess, my Queen and such. It is often in endearing dynamics or sometimes to mock the snobbishness of the person. I, for one, don't like such titles. I find them rather infuriating. Think about it! A Princess is a title either earned by birth or marriage and both are not decided by a person's caliber or intellect. However, titles like CEO, CTO, President, and Chief not only command respect but are earned. One has to prove their merit to earn them.

So, I don't claim every female will agree with my point of view, but for me, Princess is close to an insult. I'll take Chief, CEO any day. Monarchy never excited me anyway.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

The Scary 20s

As a twenty-something, I'm just going to say it; the twenties are scary. The amount of growth one experiences in the twenties is unique and happens at an exponential rate. The difference between the emotional quotient of a 21-year-old and a 29-year-old is huge. Compare a 31-year-old and 39-year-old and there is not much difference. As we age, the years of a decade don't make much of a difference.

From just graduating college, first job, first house, and probably even first marriage, twenties have it all. With every passing year I keep getting more scared. What if I screw this up? What if I never make it? What if I a lot is left unfinished and the time runs out? 

Well, I don't know the answers to the the above questions, I still have a couple of years left in this decade. However, if you are reading this and have some insightful, fun, deep, or just any story about your life in the twenties, do leave me a comment.