Friday, July 7, 2017

The Chaos that is My Life

I feel like right now I'm in a vortex. Everything is happening all at once and I-+-'m gasping for a peaceful breath. I have to move out of my parent's house for the first time because of a job. College is ending and a lot of submissions are remaining there as well. I have no real friends to speak of and no one to share my feelings with so I'm writing this.

I have worked hard at the project I am going to submit, but it just doesn't feel good enough to me. People who did absolutely nothing in theirs are confident that their project is worth publishing in International journals.

I leave behind the place I've called home for the last 17 years. I'll miss my trees and my room. My table, the center of my world for the last 15 years will also be left behind.

The job I have got, if you believe the news, will no longer be valid after 5 to 10 years. I have no mentors either. In my family, most are self-employed and I have no idea how the employed life works. I still don't fully understand my compensation package. I am scared to death that I will say something terrible or my skills won't enough for this job. I live in the fear of failure. I need a mentor/guide to tell me what to do and how to work, but there is no one.

I know life is not fair always, but I am wallowing quietly in self pity. I will be okay soon. Thanks for reading and if you have any advice for me, do leave me a comment.

Rant off