Thursday, June 27, 2019

You

You

I don't know if this is love, I just know that I can't stop thinking about you. You are always in my mind, a river which keeps flowing and never ends. I think about all the times we spent together, and how I felt when I was with you, what I should have done differently, what mistakes I made, what did you mean in your last text, and what did you mean when you didn't say anything.

I have never been loved by anyone. I never came this close to anyone. Maybe, I am just naive. Maybe I am just being too juvenile in expecting you to reciprocate. Even though you never said it, I just assumed you loved me. Even when I asked and you denied it, I assumed deep down you felt the same. I wish someone would just come and slap some sense into me. I wish you say that you hate me so I can get some courage to move on.

Please leave me. Please. Otherwise, I know I will screw this friendship so badly that you will hate me for the rest of our lives. I know I am being too hard on you, I know I am driving you crazy. You don't deserve it. You don't deserve someone as messed up as I am. You deserve kindness, you deserve a love that is nurturing. Not this junk that I throw at you.

I am sorry I ever said anything. I am sorry I let all this happen. I am sorry I can't stop this pain. I am sorry I pass it onto you. I am sorry I exist. 

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