I saw you checked my profile today, and the otherwise angry and frustrating day became lighter for a few moments. Even after 13 years, I remember you and I am sure you have no idea how much you meant to me.
My world was on fire, an implosion that made no sound. The vacuum was sucking me in and I couldn't tell anyone. In those moments, as I was pretending and ignoring everything around me as a numb rock, it was you -- mostly the though of you -- that was always a respite. I saw in you everything I didn't have. The seductive calmness, the honest sparkle of those coffee-colored eyes, and our silly talks were like a tether keeping me sane. The picture of you looking over the ground, radiating peace, is imprinted on my brain. I know you had your own troubles. I wanted more, for things to be deeper than they were, but I just assumed you had enough people and I wasn't even an afterthought in your world. Some may call it a school girl crush, a limerance, or a distraction, but I felt it. Whatever it was, it was pure.
Over the years, from time to time, I look back and see how you are doing. The journey you have been on must have been pretty challenging; I was always happy to see you succeed. I hope your life is joyful and fresh, full of opportunities and purpose. I have always wished you nothing but the best. We might never meet again, but even after all this time, I still hold a piece of you in my heart. I guess it's best that it never came to be more as I probably would have screwed it up.
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