25

In about 2 days, I will complete 25 years on this planet. I am not happy to report that I have not accomplished anything worth doing in this life. It's a burden, a burden I carry while being a burden myself. There is no meaning to existence but mine is particularly meaningless. It was not an unhappy childhood, but I was unhappy. On a regular basis, I thought of ways to run away. I'd imagine these different scenarios where I could find the escape and at least have a chance at a fresh start. Through these years, things have not turned out for the better. Every day is a battle, and it chips at my heart. There were tough times and tougher times topped with disappointment and failure. On the surface, everything seems fine. Good family, enough of everything, yet something is amiss and always has been. People scare me, even those who I know genuinely care for me. I push them away. I don't deserve them. Probably, it's just me, I can't accept happiness.  Anyhow, it doesn't matter now.......