The year was 2017. I was riding a high, got a job, moved to a new place and had a fresh start. Despite the starting being a bit rocky, all was well. I started taking a serious look at my health. Running everyday and eating healthy -- not starving, really healthy -- was my new focus. It was a whole new me.
Everything that goes up, must come down and I was no exception to this rule. The influx of emotions, betrayal, and turmoil that was unleased on me in 2018 shook me to my core.
Sidebar: You, if you are reading this, know that you were the worst friend I ever had. You broke me. I can't trust anyone anymore. I've never been insulted, disrespected, and hurt by someone who called me a friend before. You should not be reading this, you microplastic of this earth.
Sidebar end
And hence began the downward spiral. I moved to a new place. Lost all my remaining friends too. This place has been hostile, to say the least. I don't understand it, I'm plagued by my own shortcomings, and deeply unhappy. Failure, be it career or social, is my reality. The worst part is realizing that I can't even control myself. I'm a slave to sugar, coffee, and junk. Eating chocolates like drinking water hasn't helped my already warped appearance. I'm a cylinder, soon heading to a ball shape. The running injury I had last year hasn't healed and I'm still reeling. I walk, I workout, but can't burn a bad diet is the ultimate truth.
What am I if I have nothing to offer? What good a human am I? I want me back. I want to heal, to breathe, and to let this burden go. All literature talks about heartbreak at the hands of lovers, but that shit is nothing compared to losingfriends! Look at me, I'm ruined. Was I so bad? What did I do so wrong?
Maybe I'm doomed to go about this alone.
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